If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
