I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
