a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
