you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
