Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
