so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
