Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
