dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
