I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
