just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
