he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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