You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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