Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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