Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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