put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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