I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
