my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
