it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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