he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
