Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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