Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
