I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
