wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
