ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
