I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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