Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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