I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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