We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
