This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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