I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
