Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
