Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
