I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
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