my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
