While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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