how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
