i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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