On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
