Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
