if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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