all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
