I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
