the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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