HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
