you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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