Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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