you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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