nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
