What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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