I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
