This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
