my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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