dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
only you would photoshop your dick
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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