why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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