I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize