imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
