I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
