Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
