my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
