So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
