i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
