Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
