According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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