Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
