Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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