in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
