Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
