After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
