She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
