well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
