I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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