i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
